only in art class

I love teaching art, but my lessons and my penchant for personifying inanimate objects sometimes brings out the oddest phrases. I am glad the hall monitor knows me, otherwise some of the following comments, commands and questions would have alerted the powers that be a long time ago. 

Things I have heard myself say in art class

-stop already, you aren’t making any sense-

1. grab your head off the shelf
2. now just push your head on the nail, make sure it goes all the way through the back
3. you could put a family in your shoe, or play a soccer game, it could be a guinea pig… 
4. switch bodies with your neighbor
5. pigs do not eat bacon
6. squash the bird, squeeze it until it is the right size
7. take off your shoes
8. I do not want to see Bambi on the wall
9. sure, blow up the whole town as long as you keep drawing
10. see these scissors, I better not catch you erasing
11. fill your head with words
12. find your face
13. stand on your toes until the bell rings
14. the milk could be evil… a container of sour milk antagonizing the fridge inhabitants
15. is that a dead dog in your pool?
16. who’s thinking of cows?
17. because your mama doesn’t love you
18. hey sports central, can you segue to the art teacher for a moment
19. whoa, you aged thirty years
20. no need to be human, put hands on a blender and make it your friend

There are many, oh so many more. Odd things tend to fall out of my face while teaching. Most of it makes sense in context, er….some of it.  But I should explain #17. That was unfortunate. I was eating an orange and a piece of dark chocolate for lunch. The hot coffee in my thermos and the book on my lap made it all perfect. I was happy – but this happy, life-is-good-I-am-surrounded-by-goodness moments brings out a dark sarcastic side. When one of my students saw the chocolate wrapper, he whined, said if you get chocolate, why do I have to eat a stupid egg salad sandwich?   This led to incident #17.  He took it the way it was intended (as a joke) and laughed after his eyes got big as saucers, but I wonder how far that comment went….

I considered explaining each one, but it is probably best if I just leave it to your imagination. Actually, it is best if you just forget you ever read this……thanks.

~*~*~*~*~*~* Make a List and Title It ~*~*~*~*~ GBE2 Week #44 ~*~*~*~*~*