I am a flake

When I am safely behind my keyboard, I don’t notice the scars left behind from recent events. Brand new experiences are fine, it’s those tricky backward steps that get me every time. I know I’ve said it before, but sometimes standing still is the hardest thing of all….moving forward forces me to look ahead and in doing so I can conveniently forget the past… 
Confession…I will not be at the Girls! Girls! Girls! art show on Saturday.  
I dropped out. 
Flaked out.
  Cancelled.

While I have a handful of very real scheduling issues, actual obstacles in my way

….the main barrier is my own brain.

it’s too soon

so….my little flock of birdie sculptures (and I) will be staying in the nest

(Forgive me for the obscurity of this post. I don’t mind answering harmless questions like my favorite breakfast (coffee, fruit, more coffee) or whether or not I can sing ( i can not) …but there are some blurry lines that cannot be crossed.)

What a mess of contradictions…..one day I am all “conquer the world” the next I am hiding
… in plain sight…scared into smallness.
The truth is, that is OKAY.

Any ol’ self-help book or therapist off the street might tell me to just get over it…and readers of this blog might be rolling their eyes and saying the same thing….but I am not ready.  – this weekend is jam packed enough as it is, won’t go into all the mundane details, (you’re welcome)….plus school is back in session after our soccer team brought home the NATIONAL championship – i forget how many years running, they are consistently phenomenal.

-there may be a correlation here…school was called off due to a winning season- very unusual, but oh, so healthy. Take a break, travel to the out of state tournaments, focus on one thing…then get back into school.
the administration could have had everyone running ragged trying to juggle everything, running half full classes, causing a ton of make-up work …but instead they called a time out.

That’s what i am doing, calling a 
Time Out
 i thought i was ready to get back in the game
….but i am not.

and neither is Marlo
~*~ daily blogging for NaBloPoMo~*~




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3 thoughts on “I am a flake

  1. If you don't take a moment to feel life you aren't truly living it, Hon. Even the painful moments need to be acknowledged. So sorry for your heartache and pray each day brings a little more peace.

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