Lost my voice

Hit with shocking news yesterday, I lost my writing voice.

The only thing consistently working is the delete key. I write, delete, write, delete….sit – stare – nothing. 

Mainly, I am desperately trying to process the sudden accidental death of a girlfriend….but at the same time grappling with a head-full of thoughts, all the who, what, why, when, where and how questions that flood in after a shock. Who am I?, What am I doing? Why!?  and so on…. 

Without going into too many details, (for both the sake of readers who knew her, and for those who didn’t) this sweet emotional powerhouse of a woman left the earth too early, leaving so much undone. We have a shared history that goes back two decades, a friendship that ebbed and flowed like family and a connection that -often scared me into hiding….

This is what is most painful, this is what has sucked my writing voice right out of me. Although her accidental death is not about me, it is hard not to look into the mirror when something like this happens and suddenly see things with a clarity that wasn’t there before.

Changes have to be made.

(note-the delete key has been working like crazy mad for the past several minutes…I don’t know how much to share here….where is the line?  who moved my thoughts? )

  Blogging has never been so hard, but worse my bread and butter articles are piling up- writing fashion articles is near impossible- who cares who is wearing what today, sports are meaningless… I have to get back into the swing of it all, but also know I cannot keep up.

*lots of words were here*
delete-delete-delete……..

Suffice it to say, taking a good look at all your BIG QUESTIONS is worth it.  If your life does not line up with what you say you valuemake changes.

Baby steps, baby….I am not able to change everything in a day, and am determined to be gentle with myself this time….but  I also do not want to lose this glimpse of truth.

(and now reader, if you are of the praying persuasion- 
please say one for my girlfriends family – they are hurting)  
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9 thoughts on “Lost my voice

  1. So sorry for your loss…will say lots of prayers for you and her family today. Take some time to grieve. When you're ready, your voice will come back.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. No one would expect you to write at a time like this, but I understand you do have commitments and deadlines that must be dealt with. You will find your voice again. The delete button is often my best friend, but after the button has done it's job often a masterpiece is left in its place. (hugs!)Kathyhttp://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

  3. So sorry to hear about your loss!! Sometimes processing such tragedies does take our writing voice away for a time. It is understandable, being that you lost a dear friend. I can only hope and pray for you and everyone that knew her to find some comfort during this time. Jenn

  4. I'm so sorry about your friend! And I really understand how emotional upheaval can mess with the ability to write. It saps my creativity, too. i hope you and her other friends and family can find peace, but it does take time.

  5. I'm so sorry to hear you lost your friend and your voice. I lose my voice right around this time every year for the past 3 years. My voice should return around the middle of November – after the 3rd anniversary of my Mother's death. But, the shocking tragedy of having a parent burn to death in a fire sucks everything out of me as I approach each anniversary since her death. Grieve how you need to grieve. Your voice will return.

  6. Grief is for everyone such an individual thing and you precious person, can do whatever you need to do to get through to tomorrow. Your friends death is one of the biggest tragedies in your life, I imagine and it will take time. Writing can wait, it will wait. When your voice returns it will be stronger and more certain.(((Hugs)))I don't know how I missed seeing this earlier, but I just read about Louie a few minutes ago.Bless you and may God give you peace and rest.I am just so sorry for your losses.

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