I am in a funk, a serious nasty case of the down and outs. Things have been piling up on top of each other, a terrible tower of ‘to do’s’. Even though I really do love what I do for a living, all the pieces one by one are perfectly perfect for me, the deadlines this month have slammed me into a wall. I can’t see a happy ending, even with my Pollyanna glasses on. There’s too much, simply more than I can handle. I’m trying, squeezing every possible ounce of creative energy out of this vessel…but can’t do it all.
I’m actually longing to do laundry or clean the bathroom, that is not normal.
The worst part is the deadlines, I don’t mind the events so much, the dinners, the parents nights, the recitals… as the artificial ‘complete by’ mandates put down by the company I subcontract through. There is really no good reason to have these in place. I’m not so good with rules, ( hence the self employment), so the more I’m given these orders, the more I feel like rebeling…such a baby, I know. Writing this out is helpful.
All the school’s are coming to an end, there are celebrations and events galore…and…as a teacher, I guess it looks as though I am a responsible adult, and so, get invited to chaperone trips. ( which I love ) Recently went as a driver/chaperone/judge to a fine art festival in southern ohio and in a couple weeks get an all expenses paid vacation to the Outer Banks..all I have to do is keep an eye on some graduated seniors. only, totally worth it.
There are only 36 hours left before this latest enormous project is due…those 36 hours have to include sleep time, coffee making time, potty time, talking to my kids time, maybe feeding them…at the rate I’ve been going, this is a completely unrealistic timeline. I will give it my all, and probably hit it, just because..as much as I hate rules and deadlines…at the same time, I love a challenge. Even if it throws me into the ugly lonelies and makes me want to toss my computer out the window…I will most likely do this again in a couple weeks and then probably bid on another completely unrealistic project …. get it….. and then long to clean my closet…..